As my 27th year on this earth comes to a close this weekend, I cannot help but reflect on my life thus far. Chapter 27 included some horrible defeats and some nail-biting victories. I learned that I am much more ferocious gal than I ever dreamed I would be. I discovered that when the Lord sets you on a path, no stone can trip you off the path. I encountered many people who came alongside us to shoulder our burden. I also ran into people who doubt the will of God to my face. I cried the same amount to happy tears as sad tears in my 27th year.
One thing I would like to share with you is a quote I found on Pinterest regarding adoption.
What a beautiful thought. A beautiful depiction of how messy life can be as a Christ-follower. I had so many carefully laid plans for my life. Plans that would prosper me and keep me from enduring hardship. Somehow though, the hardships I have encounter bring glory to God. How I handle the lemons of life, can create a sweet aroma to the Lord. He is honored in how we acknowledge His goodness and sovereignty in the good and hard times.
1 Peter 1:7
7″These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
Some times I found myself on the floor during my 27 year crying out to God, “I know you are good. I know you are good. Why am I walking through something, so not good?”
After I cried my heart out, the Lord whispered to my heart, that I will be ok. My life is not going according to my plan, because He has something much better planned for me. My small-minded plans pale compared to His glory.
Right now, I am probably in the most difficult season of my life. The waiting season. Waiting to bring our sweet babe home. We were matched a month ago with a sweet boy due in April. Now, more than ever I am having to lay down my life’s plan’s and the control I struggle to have, in order to rest in God’s will. My sweet, promised babe is inside the tummy of another woman right now.
Everyday, I pray protection over both of them. Everyday, I struggle with not being the one to carry my sweet boy. Everyday, I feel more out of control of the situation than the day before. Then, the Lord reminds me, rather gently, that I was never in control to begin with. Ever since I gave my life to Him, I surrounded all reins to my life.
This is not how I pictured my road to motherhood. Would I change it? No way. The hurt and emptiness I’ve felt up to this point will pale when we hold our promised babe. The Lord has been on His throne the entire time. Before this and after this, He is Lord.
As you can tell by this rambling post, my life didn’t go as planned, but you know what? That’s ok.